ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
