He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
