I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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