I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
