If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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