so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
