i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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