There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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