some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
