Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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