Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
