at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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