no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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