So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
