Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
