Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we're so committed to being not committed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
