Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
