I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
