I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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