I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
