You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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