Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
