Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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