There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
