he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
