I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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