My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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