i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
