Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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