help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
