i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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