I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
