Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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