just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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