I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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