carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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