Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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