Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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