On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
