She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
