I don't remember. Are we still dating?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
