when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
