i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
