The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wear drunk well.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
