paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
