Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
