I hate all girls vehemently.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
