did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
