im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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