I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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