Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
