The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
