Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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