It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
