Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
