so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
