It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
