she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
