Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
