"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
