My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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