Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
