oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
