Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
