Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
