My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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