Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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