Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
