That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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