Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
