We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
