You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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