Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
