i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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