wat bout pragnant strippers??
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
