he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
