my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
