I'm gonna have a badass scar
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
