Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
